The number of people getting divorced each year is increasing. In
Can your marriage be saved? Im not sure if anyone would answer that for you but what I know is that you can declare that you will do whatever it takes to save your marriage and take actions consistent to that. Being in action will give you a better chance of saving your marriage.
And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. I could tell you four steps you could take to save your marriage. The path is not easy. It is not comfortable, but has an impact on the destiny of a marriage in trouble. You can choose to do nothing about the divorce you see sitting in your future or you can choose to be in action. Whatever you choose will decide the destiny of your marriage.
Here are the 4 steps:
1) Take Responsibility Of The Situation. Quit the blame game NOW. And when I say take responsibility, I do not mean blame yourself. Be the at the source of all that is not working the way you would like it to. Stop blaming your spouse and stop blaming yourself. This is the first step because marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame that immobilizes any prospect of progress. This will give you power in the situation and a say in the matter of life.
It is easy to sit in your comfort zone and point fingers. But does this blame game give you any power. Remember the last time everyone congratulated you for something nice you did and you felt full of power? The power came not because something was done. You felt powerful because you were at the source of it. Be at the source of your marriage too and see how you get to turn things the way they are.
I am not saying that the truth is that you are the reason everything went wrong. NO YOU ARE NOT. I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO BLAME YOURSELF. I told you to be the reason (not the one at fault). It’s hard to distinguish responsibility from blame, but I’m sure you will get to it once you are in practice.
Decide you can do something. Change always begins with one person who wants to see a change. Understand that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame.
Instead, blame is saying "regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I am going to do them." What buttons do you allow your spouse to push? What buttons do you push with your spouse? Decide not to allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons.
What amazes me in my counseling is that everyone knows what they should be doing or not doing. But it is difficult to move in that direction. Don't be caught in that. Decide that you will take action.
The difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I can stand around trying to figure out who started the blaze, why it has spread so quickly, and who I am going to sue when it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in trouble, the house is on fire. How will you take action to save the marriage?
2) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.
Don't assume that your situation is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after 20-some years of providing therapy, not too much new comes through my doors. Don't get me wrong; the story changes, but the dynamics are the same.
Remember what Albert Einstein said, "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.
3) Take action. More damage is done by doing nothing. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the situation. Therapists often talk about "analysis paralysis." This occurs when people get so caught up in their churning thoughts and attempts to "figure things out" that they never take action.
It is not enough to simply understand what is causing the problem. You must then act! On a daily basis, I find people coming to my office with the belief that if they can just understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.
4) Imagine God came down from heaven. He gave you 15 minutes where your spouse would listen to whatever you have to tell them about how they should live their life and follow all your instructions. You will not need 15 minutes and his/her life will be altered forever. He/She will have the best life possible. Let’s call these their ‘Blind Spots’. You clearly know ALL of what he/she should be doing or not doing and their life will be heaven. Don’t You?
And…what if you get to see your ‘Blind Spots’? How would that be? Would that help?
LISTEN to your partner without arguing. Remember, you are at the source of your marriage. You are the reason for all that worked and didn’t work.
Will your marriage be saved? If you follow my suggestions, you have infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can do your part and mostly, that is enough. Resolve not to ask the question but to begin to act.
Are you ready to take action? Grab the best-selling resource on the internet for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It! To learn more Click here
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