The Myth of Marriage

THE MYTH: "Marriage shouldn't be this hard."

The Lie this leads to: "If it is, maybe we shouldn't be married."

All of us grow up seeing either very successful marriages or total disastrous ones all start to wonder how our lives would turn out to be after taking the “plunge” into marriage. Unlike everything other thing we go through life there isn’t a training programme for marriage the only training we get is "on the job".

We do however, develop basic skills or simple understanding from relating to others, but the bona fide knowledge and skills are hard and self earned.

Conversely, sometimes we learn lessons that are not entirely true, we then relate to these as the “myths of our marriages”. These are usually the stories we tell ourselves in a very simple attempt to try to understand. Sadly, this isn’t totally right, more than often are completely wrong. Once we start these stories we hold on to them so strongly and refuse to give them up.

Now it is entirely up to us to decide if we want to tell ourselves these stories, and if so, what is that we might be missing? After all the stories we tell ourselves establish the foundation of what we assume and how we act. This is what ultimately determines whether we learn to use the tools properly or allow us to injure ourselves.

Most people assume that good marriages are easy, there is no struggle there the dreamy belief that good relationships "just work". The real task is not to have a marriage that is “easy”, it is to learn how to struggle together with your partner, be a part of each other’s lives through the ups and downs and let these struggles make you grow
apart.

A little struggle, not too much, is essential for developing the muscles of survival, this is true with relationships, and without doubt true with marriages. Much like the tiny sea turtles, which are just about 3 inches long, make a very long trek from the nest to the sea. Since the mother turtle, almost 44 inches (approximately 1.15 mtr) makes its nest a long way from the sea this becomes a very long trek for the baby turtle. Some good Samaritans feeling bad for these baby turtles, many times, have in their way helped theses baby turtles to reach the water by picking them up and carrying them to the water. This action, though in their mind helpful, has resulted in the death of many baby turtles, as long trek to the sea builds the muscles in the flippers of the baby turtle, these muscles are all that ensure the survival of the babies.

It is this struggle, which we do together, helps us develop the “muscles” (skills) necessary to take on other struggles.

Sadly most of the marriages now-a-days end in a divorce, and the fact is that 100% marriages have difficulties. It takes a lot of muscle (skill), patience and the will to learn and develop, together, to stay in a marriage.

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